Whenever I have a creative dry-spell, I go to the Drudge Report and see if I can make something funny out of the current headlines. These days, I'm usually not disappointed, the news (usually political on Drudge) is always chock-full of comedic fodder...and unlike the writers at SNL, I'm not afraid to poke fun at BOTH sides of the political spectrum (which essentially gives me twice the amount of material to work with, the same way being bisexual doubles your chances of having a date on Saturday night). Today however, the Drudge headline is a boring story about an arctic cold blast...not much, but I did the best I could with it. I knew it wasn't exactly hilarious, but after I finished the photoshop I realized it had "4Chan potential", in other words it was edgy and racist enough to get some decent response on the much-maligned 4Chan /pol/ (politically incorrect) board. Thinking quickly, I created a thread entitled "Can climate change save the white race?" and attached the doctored Drudge Report pic; sure enough, those witty lads on /pol/ ate it up.
Ya gotta love 4Chan...these are the mischievous fellows who turned a little green frog into a symbol of hatred and started what came to be known as the Great Meme War Of 2016. The old Captain served with distinction during that conflict, quickly rising from the humble rank of Memer Third Class all the way to Meme Major in the 4th Massachusetts Volunteer Memer Division...I was wounded twice, and was awarded the Meme le Mérite...as you might imagine, I am quite proud of my service. Now the war drums are beating once again as we near the crucial election year of 2020...the Democratic candidates are already lining up, and it's time to unleash the dogs of meme-war! Memetic warfare, as it's known, is relatively simple, you just find a funny pic and add some clever text with any one of the online meme creator sites, such as Imgflip...it's free, and almost anyone can do it. It CAN be mentally taxing after a while however; even a seasoned pro like myself can run out of ideas for good memes, so that's why we're hiring here at captaincaleb.com. If you, or someone you know, wants to join the fight please contact our recruiting department.
Oh, and it looks like I've got a new hater out there (as if I needed another one). An angry lefty recently posted a veiled threat on Craigslist about "seeing me on the street", and called me a "Nazi douchebag"! Funny...they call everyone they don't like a Nazi, and while I'm rather flattered, I'm not really a National Socialist in the strict definiton. While it's true that I DO use a bit of edgy Nazi humor in my posts, it's really just sort of tongue in cheek...I really don't hate Jews (one of the nicest guys I ever knew was a Kike), they're just fun to fuck with. Same with black folks and women...a little racism and misogyny used in a lighthearted humor never hurt anyone. Homosexuals? Same idea...there's nothing wrong with making fun of chaps who prefer the company of other men, and while I'd rather not have a penis lodged in my rectum, I respect the rights of others who enjoy that sort of thing. Everyone needs to lighten up I think...this whole political correctness thing has really gone overboard in recent years; people need to learn how to laugh at themselves again. Hey, I'm of Scottish descent myself, and I can still appreciate a good joke about men wearing kilts.
A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree.
As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."
She boldly walked over to the sleeper, raised his kilt, and saw that he wore nothing at all. Her friend said, "Well, the mystery is solved! Let's thank him for sharing!"
She took off her pretty blue hair ribbon and gently tied it around the Scotsman's endowment. A while later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature. He raised his kilt and was bewildered at the sight of the neatly tied blue ribbon. He stared for a minute, then said, "I don't know where ya been laddie... but it's nice ta see you won firrrrst prrrrize!"
So that's all I got today folks, not a lot, but it's been a slow news day...so far.
See ya at the next civil war,
Captain Caleb Eldridge