It's gotten very windy and rainy here in Florida, so the old Captain has decided it best to continue the live-stream from the relative safety of Rocko's Gentlemens Club in downtown Tampa. I'll be reporting live from the bar and having a few drinks until this blasted weather settles down a  bit. We left the other camera on the fucking beach, so you can either watch the palm trees blowing in the breeze or check out the action at here at Rocko's....shit, you can even do both at the same time with our state-of-the-art dual live-stream! You think CNN or Weather Channel is offering shit like this? I fucking doubt it! Rocko's will probably be hopping, it's the only titty bar open in Tampa (and they promise to stay open until the water rises above the girl's waists), and rumor has it that you can get a hummer in the backroom if have a spare 50 bucks and tell 'em you're not a cop. The management assures me that all these little tramps are over 18, or were at least using their older sister's driver's license when they applied. Ironically, one of the nubile young tarts who spreads her little pink-snapper here at Rocko's had a Grandmother named Irma! What are the chances? Anyway you look at it, reporting from Rocko's beats the shit out of standing on the beach in a fucking hurricane, and I'm doing pretty good with the's been paying for my drinks, and hopefully I'll make enough to get a blowjob and maybe buy half a gram from the Puerto Rican guy at the bar. Stay tuned for breaking developments as we provide around-the-clock coverage of this apocalyptic storm of the century!

Captain Caleb Eldridge reporting live

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In keeping with our long-standing reputation for fair and balanced news, we have included the perspective of the liberal media regarding this monumental storm event and it's aftermath. A special thanks to Anderson Cooper.