LEGAL DISCLAIMER: My shrewd Jewish attorney, Shady Stu Goldberg, told me to throw this shit in to cover my ass from any civil liability, so here goes. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents mentioned on captaincaleb.com are strictly the products of the author's fevered imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental; that's our story, and we're sticking with it. Viewing captaincaleb.com may result in right-wing political indoctrination, and a significant hatred of leftist socialist scum trying to inflict their twisted, morally-bankrupt agenda on normal, God-fearing, straight white Christians. Some viewers may experience intense cravings for Pabst Blue Ribbon beer while viewing this website, and in rare occurrences, an erection that lasts four hours or longer, ask your doctor if captaincaleb.com is right for you. All mention of Panzerfaust anti-tank weapons is strictly satirical, and we assure the ATF (and any other law enforcement agencies monitoring this site) that we currently have none in our possesion. You should not view this website if you are pregnant, breastfeeding, or easily offended by edgy politically-incorrect humor concerning women, blacks, Jews, homosexuals, wiggers, Mormons, tattoo artists, illegal aliens, Jussie Smollett, chicks with dicks, Holocaust survivors, Taylor Swift, midgets, Hillary or Chelsea Clinton, your mother, CNN, Eskimos, white trash, lawyers, the cast of The View, drunk carnies, or lecherous New Zealand sheep-herders. Furthermore, captaincaleb.com disavows any liability for malicious computer viruses (Ransomware, etc) that may infect your computer while viewing this site, nor is it liable for hate crimes (racially-motivated vandalism, mosque shootings, etc) allegedly inspired by the contents herein. No animals were harmed in the production of this website, with the exception of my pet chimp Trayvon, who was shot and killed when he attacked a Caleb's Island security guard.