It seems like everyone has made a buck off the Holocaust over the years, everyone except me. These Jewish "survivors organizations", Nazi-hunters, holocaust museums, movie studios...they raked in some serious coin over the decades...why shouldn't I have a little piece of the action I always thought to myself. Granted, I'm not Jewish, but why should (((they))) have a corner on the fucking market?
Then one day I had an brainstorm! My Uncle Otto's old Texaco gas station! It's been losing money for the past several years, and I can't sell the fucking place because of the leaking underground tanks and contaminated soil, but why not reinvent it as a combination Quicky-Lube joint and Holocaust museum? We get a lot of Kike tourists from NY here on the island every summer, so I knew I had a market. I figured this was a perfect set-up...I could gouge on the gas prices (it's the only station on the island since the other guy's place mysteriously burned down last week), charge them a ridiculous admission price to the "museum", and rape the stupid bastards with the classic Quicky-Lube scams. You know, ya come in for an oil change and leave with 200 bucks worth of air filters and windshield wipers you didn't really need, that sorta thing.
I'm setting up one of the two service bays as the "museum"...20 bucks for adults, 18 for kids under 6, and they can stay as long as they want; though with all the noise and exhaust fumes from the adjacent bay they probably wont stick around too long. I plan to set up a table with some old lampshades and bars of soap, some bins full of old shoes and eyeglasses (shit I can get from local thrift shops), and for a real kicker I'll have a big pile of ashes from my wood-stove on display next to the old tire machine...which we'll pass off as a Nazi masturbation-torture device! I was thinking I could even SELL the ashes as souvenirs...like put 'em in little crack vials and get 10 bucks a pop. My shrewd Yid lawyer, Shady Stu, told me I might be pushing it with that one...like someone has the ashes analyzed and discovers it's Oak and not Jew, so I'm holding off on that idea for the time being.
Stu IS pretty certain I can get a tax-deferment for this scam (religious/educational shit), maybe even some government funding...he's looking into this.
Anyway, I'll be looking for curators next summer, so if any of you guys are interested drop me a line. If you're actually Jewish that's a plus, but I'm not fussy. Ideally, I'd like a lad I can throw in the oil-change bay if someone calls in sick, so guys who can turn a wrench will get preference. As a curator you'll have to wear one of those fucked-up Kike hats and look somber while you talk about the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on mankind (ability to keep a straight-face is MANDATORY, and no visible Nazi tattoos!), but I'll pay cash and I'm cool with drinking on the job...you won't find many bosses like me.